so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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