You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
bring money and cleavage
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
