Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
