Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's shark week go big or go home
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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