Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
