I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize