thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize