Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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