Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
