dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
