Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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