white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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