He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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