Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
