so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
