Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
