sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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