I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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