I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
