Your tits are I can't wait for
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
