I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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