im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
