So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
