Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
