he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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