I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
