Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
