Can i not drive my cunt home
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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