I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
the raccoons are back...
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