If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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