I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
