Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
