There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
