he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Couch. On fire.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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