Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
