I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
