Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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