he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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