there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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