Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
