i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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