sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The air taste purple.
Randomize
