I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i dont even know how to be here
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize