Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
