you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
