this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
