i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
