I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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