3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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