i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
