Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
