I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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