The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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