bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
