I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
