Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
