I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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