Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
