Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
