It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
